#WIFEMATERIAL: CARVEN S/S 2016 CROPPED NAVY DRESS PANTS

Most men shouldn’t be allowed to dress themselves let alone suggest what a woman should wear. But every once in a while I’ll stumble across an item of women’s clothing that makes me think, "I'd marry a girl on the spot if I saw her wearing that.” I call it #WifeMaterial. 

#WIFEMATERIAL : CARVEN S/S 2016 CROPPED NAVY DRESS PANTS

Weddings are fun! Haha no they’re not. They’re expensive and predictable and tacky and the food is bad and the music is bad and the dancing is bad and you always end up sitting next to a Republican. Also, they involve commitment, which, nope.

I realize the irony of having this opinion and writing an ongoing feature for DJ Manneeni’s website that’s based entirely on the idea of marrying someone because of what she wears—but realize that this is purely just a construct that allows me to pick women’s fashion without the risk of destroying my mentions when I post it on Twitter.

It needs to be said again and again and repeated ad nauseum:

Weddings, they are bad. Thank you.

The only good thing about weddings is the opportunity to flex. An impossibly casual knit tie, a shiny collar chain, no socks—shit like that. One time I wore (and pulled off) joggers at a wedding in Wisconsin and a guy called me a “faggot” outside the reception venue. This is the exact kind of reaction I’m going for when I’m coming to your wedding. I am not the kind of asshole who wears a polo shirt, but I’m still kind of an asshole. Striking a balance between "conversation piece" and "the guy who wears his tie around his head" is an art—and I’m fucking Rembrandt. 

The last wedding I was at I decided to wear cropped dress pants—and because this wedding was in California, it seemed like a great decision. However, a friend told me that night how he couldn't have a conversation with anyone without that person mentioning my pants. This was disappointing because, well, I say and do so many more awful things for people to talk about than my goddamn "couture" dress pants. I thought Cali could handle some high waters, but I was wrong. Though I guess next to getting hate crimed, this response wasn’t all that bad.

Anyway. Cropped dress pants, they, on the other hand, are good. I saw these cropped dress pants from Carven’s Spring/Summer 2016 ready-to-wear collection presented in Paris, and briefly heard wedding bells in my head before snapping back to reality. The black stripe down the side is a nice little “fuck you” to faux paus and an even nicer little “fuck you” if you could pull these off at a wedding and look sexier than anyone in a dress.

Yes, cropped pants at a wedding. Maybe even your own.

[Images via Self Service Magazine and Vogue]

Lucas Shanks is a writer and creative in New York City. If you want to marry him, you have to follow him on Twitter first.

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REBECCA MINKOFF + MIXOLOGY ATHLEISURE LAUNCH

Photos by Jenna Burke 

ATHLEISURE, the fusion of daywear and athletic wear, has become one of my favorite new categories in fashion. As someone who doesn't have a ton of "casual" clothes, it's bomb to find pieces that are chic yet still appropriate for walking miles around the city in whilst I run my errands, etc. I think I'm one of many New Yorkers who literally gets ALL of my cardio from transportation -- I walk whenever possible!

Also VERY into the whole sporty-chic trend, I was BEYOND excited to hear that one of my favorite designers, Rebecca Minkoff, was teaming up with boutique retailer MIXOLOGY to debut her very own ATHLEISURE collection at their West Hampton store. Even better? I was DJing the party! Editors and shoppers jammed to tunes while imbibing on dangerously good Vita Fruit libations from VEEV Vodka (I managed to sneak a bottle onto the press bus home to make the ride back to the city a little more fun :P).

Posing for a snap with the PR Bae who put this event together, Kiara Horwitz of KHPR

How's the collection? SO SICK. I was able to peruse the looks while the editors were partaking in a pre-party EXHALE barre class (obviously I skipped that lol I was wearing sheer mesh) and I want it all! The limited color palette of black, white, silver, and grey keeps the collection chic and enhances its city-girl vibe. Amongst the jersey-inspired tops, sports-bra-like crops, and printed sweatshirts I found two of my favorite pieces -- a pair of quilted leather high top sneakers and a nylon backpack. Serious MUST HAVES for the mobile busy-girl -- definitely cruise by MIXOLOGY in the city or the Hamptons to check it out. 

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LU REVIEWS: LONDON MENSWEAR SPRING 2016

This past week, the British Fashion Council put on London Collections Men, and it’s either the official or unofficial kickoff of the Summer’s menswear fashion calendar depending on which attendee you’re trying to blow. For established global brands and emerging menswear designers, it’s a chance to showcase their latest and greatest for the fashion world. For me, it’s an opportunity to lampoon the shit out of their hard work behind the veil of a computer screen and from the comfort of a pair of year-old joggers. Here we go.

MAN

From the beautiful minds that brought you a bunch of torn-out hair tracks from a World Star Hip Hop cat fight video pinned to mesh shirts comes this collection that looks like one of those art projects where someone paints a bunch of pieces while on different concoctions of hardcore drugs.

First, we got this guy wearing what appears to be one of those quilts your Mom sews out of old t-shirts for you when you graduate high school—except for a kid that didn’t have a single extracurricular activity on his transcript and listened exclusively to Rise Against for four years. The only dope thing about this look is when you’re sitting around bored you can take some Silly Putty, smash it against your leg, and stretch it out like a Sunday comic.

Coming in hot after the guy in the angst-y quilt is this look that can only be described as “Amateur Dirtbike Racer Caught Up In A Color Run.” Seriously, what the hell with the body paint? Did this dude fall off a train while trying to tag it? Or did five of his besties convince him that running a 5k while getting blasted in the face with toxic, colorful, neon dust would be “good for the ‘Gram?”

And if Avatar Blue camouflage pants made out of material that looks like you’re trying to sweat out your weekend water weight exclusively out of your legs aren’t exactly your style, you’ll find comfort in these next pants and their 42-inch leg openings. These pants look like they were pulled straight from the closet of someone who has moshed at an ICP concert. They look like they smell like a discarded vape pen, but to be honest they look comfortable as hell. Unfortunately, this guy is not doing a great job of selling them because it looks like he just remembered he left the oven on all the way back at his Berlin co-op.

TOURNE DE TRANSMISSION

Tourne de Transmission might just be the most menswear-sounding menswear brand name of all time, like it was named using a menswear brand generator that Four Pins has yet to create. The creative director of this somehow-not-French brand says they got their inspiration for this collection from the Kogi tribe, and I trust that’s genuine sartorial inspiration and they didn’t just spin a globe and search “indigenous people” plus whatever country their finger landed on. The Kogi tribe hails from Columbia, yet the first dude looks like he got his hat from a prop box outside of a photo booth at a wedding in North Dakota. Another addition to this look would have been a moustache on a stick, or potentially pants, that way he could hide all the evidence on his knees that he just got done fellating WWF superstar Goldust. 

Luckily, the collection got better after the guy who looks like what Haley Joel Osment was supposed to look all grown up in his “Where Are They Now?” photos. The look in the middle almost makes sense, with the high and tight button up and bomber (bomber?) sweater and the pants that have so much crotch room you can Rap Squat™ without ever moose-knuckling. Though I’m not sure how the top of his hat got torched off. I can only imagine he and his partner in crime Marv were trying to break into the home of a Chicago-area family that was vacationing over the Holidays, but their clever son Kevin (who they left home, all alone) had the back door rigged up with a torch that burned it off when he tried to open the door. Tragic.

Finally, we arrive at one of the few looks that I’m genuinely excited about. Tourne de Transmission absolutely unloaded on this one despite facing an 0-2 count. I’d follow this dude in the slightly oversized off-white getup on horseback into whatever tent he led me to at Burning Man and smoke, inject or butt-tampon whatever drugs he put in front of me. This fit is incredible. Consider this guy the Goldilocks of Kogi tribe cowboy hats, from left to right—too gimmicky, too burnt, JUST RIGHT. And I’ll be damned if this guy doesn’t have a nicer head of hair than Jared Leto. Honestly, I’d rather watch this guy sing the chorus of “The Kill” on a computer-generated cliff with an industrial studio fan blowing through that mane. Unf. *collapses seductively into fainting couch*

BOBBY ABLEY

I’m only focused on my personal brand and therefore wouldn’t consider myself an “expert” when it comes to branding other things, but if you’re going to design a bunch of shit that looks like toddler pajamas that went unsold at TJ Maxx and you just did a SHIFT+corner drag on the designs so they fit adult men and sent it into production you might want to think twice about putting your own damn name on it, Bobby Abley. If I were in London and found myself at this show I’d feel obligated to cook these guys macaroni and cheese with hot dogs and tuck them into their hotel beds at night.

The craziest part is there was probably a meeting where more than one person agreed that one bold pajama look wasn’t enough, so they went beyond the first look, which I’ve dubbed “Astronaut Bedtime Story,” and created the second one, which can only be described as “NYC Subway Map Rough Draft.” Not only does it look like Bill de Blasio rerouted the ACE, 123 and NQRW trains all over this outfit after eating mushrooms, but they made the poor dude wear a backpack, so now it looks like it’s 6pm on Christmas Day and he’s so excited about his new scuba gear that he wants to sleep with it.

Lastly, I had to throw in this third look because I can’t just hammer away on clothes that look like adult pajamas (as Drake would say, “That shit a motherfucking layup.”) From the waist down this dude looks like Floyd Mayweather on the way to SoHo Equinox, purse included. That’s fire. But from the waist up we’re looking at another damn graphic t-shirt. I thought 2016 was going to be the year, in addition to electing our first female president, that we’d stop seeing these at menswear shows and instead leave them to be created by hacks like me on CafePress. And “Super Duper Storm Trooper” sounds like a bio that would make you the most popular bottom on Grindr. I’m done here, Bobby.

TOPMAN DESIGN

It’s refreshing to see Topman’s clothing showcased on a runway, considering their preferred method of display up until now seemed to be a bunch of out-of-season one-offs in sizes Small and Extra Large only, pulled off hangers and strewn over a clearance rack in the basement of their store on Broadway. I imagine everyone was waiting on pins and needles to see what the brand that makes clothes that last two weeks longer than H&M clothes had to offer. The answer? This dude dressed like Woody from Toy Story up and decided to join a biker gang. What the hell is this guy doing? If an editor at Vice wanted a writer to join Hell’s Angels for a week to write an exposé on the biker gang and wanted to choose the person most likely to get killed in the process, he’d pick this guy and dress him in this outfit.

And it’s not like taking off least-convincing motorcycle vest on the planet changes anything, as witnessed by the second model. The only difference here is that instead of khakis tailored for an accountant with the world’s fattest cankles, they chose pants in a color only Steve Harvey could pull off while hosting Family Feud. The only time I'd ever wear this shit is if Jackson Pollock invited me to drunkenly paint in the dark. 

Finally, because I can’t possibly talk about the damn fit of these pants anymore, we get to the most offensive menswear shirt you’re going to see all Summer, despite there being like 18 more weeks of shows. I can’t imagine this looking any better than one of those skin-tight shirts that have a fake sleeve of tattoos on it. Honestly, I’d like it more if it were literally one of those. It’s like an Under Armour base layer for someone who still gets amped about collecting stamps. Homeboy looks like he’s a piece of luggage that traveled all around the world for a decade and got a sticker slapped on him at every destination. I bet he could fit a dopp bag in his ass.

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Lucas Shanks is a writer, editor and creative in New York City. He’s sorry for approximately 95% of the above. Follow him on Twitter @lucasshanks.

DALI ROSE

Photos by Dani Mac

STYLE CREDITS: 

Christina (@Manneeni): Kate Moss x Topshop dress; Schutz sandals (available here); H&M earrings (available here); DEIVIE ring; DEIVIE clutch; Essie "DJ Play That Song" nails (available here); Maybelline "The Nudes" eye palette (available here); Loreal Colour Riche Balm in "Heavenly Berry" (available here)

SpottieOttieDopalicious

Photos by James Nova at David Zwirner Gallery

STYLE CREDITS:

Custom CULT dress and sheer skirt; Custom CULT dots bracelet; DEIVIE ring; Schutz shoes (available here); Elaine Turner bag (available here)